If you have ever described yourself as someone who ‘seems to attract the wrong ones’ then you are one of a community of frustrated daters. When we are looking for our soulmate it can be frustratingly easy to fall for the charms of a mismatch. Our intentions are hopeful from the start but it can lead to heartbreak faster than we realize.

The key to healthy relationships is building an honest and supportive bond from the start. The values of the person you’re with will determine much of the potential success of your future together. If you choose someone who prioritizes their needs above yours, there is a very little you can do to remedy the situation. No amount of love can fix toxicity!

Here are some fast red flags to look out for:

• Rude to the hospitality staff yet lovely with you.
• Love-bombing (overwhelming romantic intensity)
• Describes all their exes as ‘psychos’.
• Rollercoaster highs and lows of mood or effort level.
• Withholding from introducing you to family/friends.
• Unrealistic amount in common with you.
• Orders for you or dismisses your requests.
• Places you on an uncomfortable pedestal.
• Resistant to discussing parts of their significant past.
• Distinct feeling of ‘this is too good to be true’.
• Unaware of offending you or others around you.

Attraction can make decision-making much more difficult. They say love is blind and hormonal elements such as oxytocin and dopamine don’t help. The key to knowing if someone is right for you is rooted in your personal intuition. How does this person make you feel? What emotions do they trigger most often when you connect with them?

If you come home from spending time with someone and feel self-conscious or agitated then this needs paying attention to. It could be a sign that they are bringing out your insecurities or manipulating your emotions in some way. However, if you feel liberated to be your true self in their company then this is a major positive.

To be safe in love, check in with your emotional health regularly. If you are struggling with the trauma of a previous break-up or pinning your hopes on a new relationship ‘fixing’ your life, then it might be time to take a step back to rejuvenate your energies and focus. Unfortunately, abusive partners tend to gravitate towards vulnerability.

You are an incredibly worthy and unique person who does not need another person to complete them. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are seen for who you really are—and to have those qualities celebrated! The right person won’t leave you doubting. They will help you grow in the right direction. Go get ‘em!

So—what are you waiting for? The right person is out there and waiting to meet you. Or perhaps you have met them already but aren’t sure how they will fit into your life. To help you create the relationship you dream of, head to our website www.drsharonyost.com to access the coaching and support services you need to thrive in love. See you there!