When life becomes hectic, it can be easy to unconsciously allow our relationship to fall to the bottom of our priority list. We tell ourselves that we’ll find time at the weekend, or when things calm down. But life doesn’t have too many of those handy pit-stops. We have to find our own if the partnership is to remain happy and healthy!
Lisa and Rob created their initial connection based on a mutual appreciation of one another’s ambitions and passions. Rob was Lisa’s handsome prince, and she was his equivalent elegant princess. Their fancy wedding reflected their high hopes for a grand future together. Yet the money and time they spent on the event could not sustain their ongoing marriage.
“It’s because we’re busy Lisa. We can’t leave our businesses to sit down and talk!”
This specific sentence, spoken by Rob during an argument, illustrates the key issue within their marriage breakdown. It highlights that both parties have sunk into a toxic pattern of seeing their external responsibilities (such as work) as far more important than their connection as a romantic couple. There is, therefore, no space for love and passion to survive.
Both partners tried to pursue their ‘old’ lives in the ways they had before they married. Rob returned to his work with no sense of adaptation. He didn’t think of including Lisa in his plans when he mapped out his forthcoming diary, leaving her feeling neglected and alone. Lisa followed suit with the disconnected arrangement, throwing herself into her work as a distraction.
Sadly, by the time they realized the extent of damage occurring it was too late. The couple divorced amicably yet their relationship could have been saved if they had paid attention to their issues earlier on in their shared journey. The key here, would have been for them both to communicate what they wanted from life before marrying, and then throughout the marriage.
You can avoid the same fate by cultivating a practice of consciousness of the health of your relationship in your daily life. It is the simple decision to include your partner in your plans. It is the moment where you stop and think, “how would my wife/husband feels about this” before taking action. Refine the art of healthy communication with yourself that will then extend to your partner when you speak with them about your plans, thoughts and feelings.
—step 1 is to check in with yourself to reflect upon the health of your relationship.
—step 2 is to ensure you allow space and time to talk with your partner regularly.
Even a few minutes at the start of your day before you both leave for work can make a significant difference to how included you feel in each other’s lives. Most typical couple advice is to never stop ‘spoiling’ your partner. In truth, what you both need most is consideration—which is the most loving gift you can share!
If you are feeling overwhelmed with navigating your relationship, don’t suffer alone. Reach out to the experts who can help you steer your marriage in the right direction! Head to our website www.drsharonyost.com to access the coaching and support services you need to get where you want to go. Speak soon!